Manners Matter!
As a parent, if you are wondering what social skills you should focus on first, I would say there are the top three words/actions that every child should master.
Skill- one word and action that sets a positive and polite tone in our interactions:
1. Greeting others - say hello or use a hand sign for hello.
2. Please and thank you.
3. Taking turns and waiting.
If you think of these three words/actions, they cover a range of social interactions. They all send a clear message or set a tone with others. For autistics who frequently deal with anxiety or sensory processing challenges, entering a social situation can be quite dysregulating for them. For children coping with ADHD or focus issues, it is easy to get distracted and forget to use a greeting or follow any social protocol.
Strategies:
So, what can you do as a parent to build these essential habits?
1. Model as the parent, ensuring you show them when and how to greet and use please and thank you. Also, how to take turns and wait, there needs to be more intentionality and practice in taking turns and waiting. It would be best to create opportunities to practice this skill at home, leaving much room for error.
2. Repeat, repeat, and repeat. Encourage everyone in the family to model and work on the same habit.
3. Advanced notice, reminder, and redirect. Prepare them for situations where it is essential to use a greeting, thank you, and please.
When raising my children, the most common strategy I used was modeling. I would use opportunities when we went shopping to greet the cashier and ask her how her day was so far. We would also practice these habits at home. With turn-taking, we would play games and take turns with each family member choosing a game, activity, or speaking. At dinner every night, each person would take a turn sharing about their day. When we traveled as a family, each family member would get a choice to select an activity or place to eat. We would always say after we finished an activity that was their choice that now, it was Dad and I's turn to choose an activity.
We always emphasized that our family was a team, and it was never just about one person in the family. We would use the Social Thinking vocabulary me vs. we plan. When our family was together, we were to be on the we plan.
I would say that the most fundamental social skill is turn-taking. In a day, we can say there is a minimum of a dozen turn-taking opportunities.
RESOURCES
Winner, Michell Garcia. (2016). Social Thinking and Me. Santa Clara, CA: Social Thinking Publishing.
